so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i think my cat just said my name.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
