i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
