they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
