She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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