K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
