ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
