I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You can't motorboat a personality
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
