man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
