Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was like eating out sand paper
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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