so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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