I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
