So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
