wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
