If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This house was built for laser tag.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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