When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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