I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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