Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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