her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
