The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm bleeding and have questions
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
