from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
