It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
