Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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