So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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