I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
