Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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