I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
