i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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