we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
