let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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