Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
