I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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