the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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