so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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