i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
