The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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