so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
