my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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