dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
