This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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