Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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