It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
