I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
