You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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