how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
