And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
