He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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