Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
