Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Come on in and take your pants off
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