I have demons in me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
