i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
