Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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