Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
