Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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