to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
