You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
