That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
