dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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