While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
