pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
