you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
