I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
