There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
im on a boat
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