Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
