Nicole vs. Life
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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