I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
