I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
